Frankie Muniz Carrier of Rare Disease

Frankie Muniz at age 29

Doctors have discovered the opposite of the debilitating disease "Progreria" which makes an individual start to age from infancy. Doctors are calling it "Frankie Muniz Disease" after the child star, Frankie Muniz. Doctor Symbian Belle of Cambridge said "We thought it was fitting to name the disease after Mr. Muniz since some people doubt he will ever age".

Scientist Discover That Sci-Fi Movies Are Right

Biologists have confirmed finding life on Mars.

Recently, old sets of data from an earlier mission to the planet Mars were reviewed. The biologists studying the data revealed early Wednesday morning that they have indeed confirmed the existence of life on Mars as a result of the revisitation of this data. The interesting part about this, is that it confirms a theory that science fiction movies and TV shows have been trying to support for many years...

Mr.Owl Dies at Age of 72

May 4, 2012- Written By James Cluber

Mr. Owl (most commonly known for his role in Tootsie Pop commercials and..... thats about it) died today at the age of 72. 

Mr. Owl, whose real name is Shabash Owlsomus III, started his career as an entertainer at the age of 30. His first job was on the first Tootsie Pop commercial that aired back in 1970 where a naked boy walked around the forest talking to animals about a sucker. Owlsomus was orginally casted as the second animal that the boy approached in the forest. However, an incident that happened off set led to him recieving the role which he has become famous for today.

New Law Makes Certain Acronyms Illegal

Senator Gerald Ford (R) of Utah passed a law yesterday that makes use of the popular acronym LOL illegal if used incorrectly. He explains the reason he signed off on the law in an interview with the AP "Basically, I'm really tired of getting textual transmissions (text messages) from my daughters that say 'LOL' when I know that they aren't really laughing. It's misleading".

Titanic 2 to Set Sail in Both the Sea and the Theater

Friday May 4th, 2012
Written by Jack Dawson

This past April 15th marked the 100th year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. In commemoration of this historical event, Australian Billionaire (yes, Australia has billionaires) Clive Palmer has announced plans of building a modern version of the original Liner. The ship will be built with the exact same dimensions and design with updated technology on board. When asked about the number of life boats that would be on board he laughed and said " I want to keep it as faithful to the original as possible, so don't expect there to be enough life boats for everyone. But not to worry, the ship is going to be more unsinkable than the first one, I promise."...

A Look Back at a Productive Presidency

Written by Jane Doeadeer- Thursday May 3rd, 2012

"I told you I could aim a gun at the president
and not get tackled!"

With election time coming up many have their minds set on who they want to choose as the next president of the United States. We here at Fayke Nooz couldn't care less, but we figure we can use this time to reflect on the president of the united states productivity this past term. Take a look at  these photos of the President's greatest moments...

Study Shows All "Morning People" Addicted to Drugs

An article was published this week in the American Journal of Medicine which studied the causes of the "unrelenting chipper attitude" that some individuals display so annoyingly. The study shows that most of these individuals are known by themselves or their peers as a "morning person".

Dr. Alia Shawkat says "We all really hate the chronic morning person that sits at the desk next to us. I mean, who in their right mind is happy in the morning. It just doesn't make sense". She adds "the morning is absolutely the worst time of the day. It's the time of the day when you look ahead and realize there's all these things that you need to accomplish, and you don't really want to. This feeling is debilitating for 99% of people"...

"K" is Officially Considered a Complete Sentence

Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Remember when you were taught as a child that Pluto was a planet? Remember when you were told it wasn't? Well, now, another blow to your elementary school education has occurred...

New Political Party On The Rise

Although the current election will most likely be between a Republican and a Democrat, a new political party is on the rise for the next election cycle. They're calling themselves "Republicats"

Jim Morrison, the leader of the movement said this "We believe that all Americans are getting really tired of the constant bickering between the two existing parties. Then there's all these sectarian factions within these parties. It's all getting too confusing. What Americans need is a simple political path. That's why we mixed the two existing parties into one called, The Republicats"

Rainn Wilson Discusses Office Spin-off

Written by Ybnet Tirw
Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Exclusive: A new show called The Farm, a spin-off from the hit TV show The Office, will be coming in 2013. The show will star Rainn Wilson continuing his role as Dwight Schrute. The focus of the sitcom will be on his daily life on a beet farm that he owns with his slightly retarded brother named Mose.

Study Reveals Women Don't Understand Either

Saturday April 28th, 2012


A recent study conducted by professor of sociology, James Hendrix, revealed a shocking truth with regards to a well accepted myth, namely, that men don't understand women. "The part of the myth that men don't understand, is so far unconfirmed, but this myth that men don't understand implies that all women do. That's the part that we want to debunk".

Hendrix goes on to explain the reasons for focusing on this part of the myth when he says "as men, we need to prove that we're right about things. That's why we did this study. We wanted to prove to women that they actually don't make sense. To anybody! We wanted to prove that they don't just confuse men because men are stupid, as they imply, but rather that they confuse men and women alike, simply because the things they say and do, don't make sense to anybody."

Circle Brushing Technique Not Most Effective Method

Jerry Seinfeld is an active
Minister in the Anti-Dentite Church

Friday April 27th, 2012

Jerry Seinfeld (anti-dentite) was taken to a dental hospital near his home in the Hamptons last month after a near fatal incident, which Seinfeld claims was caused by circular brushing techniques. Fans of Seinfeld and the public alike were enraged by the incident and many riots broke out in recent weeks.
Mr. Seinfeld expressed that "35 years ago, when I was just a boy, I just felt deep down inside of me that something was wrong with brushing. And that's why I replaced my teeth with horse teeth."

Man Wakes from 30 Year Coma and Asks to be Put Back to Sleep

Friday April 27th, 2012


David Lindersnout, of Cedar Falls, Idaho, woke up yesterday from a 30 year coma.
Lindersnout had some friends and family in the area. Doctors were more baffled by the man's attitude after only a few hours of being awake.

Some people still believe
that this is a boy

Lindersnout was visited by his younger brother (who was born after Lindersnout went into the coma) and several young sisters and cousins. After 2 hours of visiting, the visiting hours were over and the family was asked to return the next day. Mr. Lindersnout complained to the nurse "Why are all those girls so obsessed with this Justin Beaver girl? And since when are girls named Justin?" (Lindersnout was referring to Justin Bieber, pictured to the left). Lindersnout then reportedly asked for the TV remote and some privacy.

Study Finds Clues To Mysterious Microwave Events

Thursday April 24th, 2012

The Professor carrying out his
microwave study

Today, an article published in the Sorta Scientifical American was published. It discusses some theories to strange events that everyone has undoubtedly noticed.
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth (most famous for his appearance on Matt Groening's Futurama) notes "Every single person in the universe has used a microwave. Why doesn't anyone talk about the strange events that occur inside them".

Green Found to Be the Least Environmentally Friendly Color

Wednesday April 25th, 2012


An interview with the color green last week brings many to a confusing conclusion.

Earth here pictured "going green". Contrary to popular belief,
the earth should not be this color.

Lisa Jackson, head of the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) was disheartened by the way the color green answered questions in the interview. She said "Green has been the color we've gone to for many years when we're looking for a representation of our effort to be friendly to the Earth". She goes on to say "I've talked to the other colors - Purple, Pink, Red, and even Orange, - and they all seem to be more concerned with the Environment than the color green".

Here's a portion of the interview:

New Star Wars Movie on the Horizon?

Saturday April 21st, 2012

George Lucas Poses in front of
Star Wars character puppet 

George Lucas recently announced this past Friday that he would like to get started on another Star Wars film, this time focusing on the origin of the Jedi council as seen in Episode 1. Lucas said that “I would like to have the story revolve around Yoda who, as a youth, was far from the wise Jedi that has been depicted in the previous films. In fact he was quite a rebel.” Lucas, in explaining the reason for his choice of centering the story around our green protagonist, said, “Yoda is a very beloved character in the series and has a much deeper connection with the Skywalker family then just that of Anakin and Luke. This connection will change everything you thought you knew about the Skywalker lineage and I'm sure it will surprise many. The back story that was originally written for Yoda and the other members of the Jedi Council is brilliant. I feel like modern technology has finally caught up to my vision, and that now would be a great time to bring the story to the big screen.”

Lucas, when asked what all would be revealed about Yoda and the Skywalker lineage stated “ I would like to reveal some of the biggest mysteries about Yoda and the other Jedi. I don't want to reveal too much, but things such as why Yoda talks the way he does and uses a walking stick when he clearly doesn't need it i would like to have explained. As well as how Mace Windu overcame intergalactic racial barriers by becoming the first black Jedi. These are just a few of the many things to look forward to learning in the new film which will be a prequel to the prequels."

Finally Lucas revealed that the name of the film would be appropriately titled Star Wars the Council Begins. He also hinted at possible sequels to this film. "The names", he says, "are not set in stone as of yet, but  I would like to follow the example of actual good directors and name the sequels either "Star Wars the Dark Jedi" and "the Dark Jedi Rises", or go the simple route and name it "Star Wars Avatar" and "STA2".

So what do you think? Are you excited to hear that George will be bringing Star Wars back to the big screen? Do you like the idea of the attention being centered on a more rebellious Yoda? What about finding out how Mace Windu overcame Racism? How about those movie names, pretty original right? Let us know what you think in the comments below.

Google Says That Best Way to Network is to Isolate Ourselves

Monday, April 23rd, 2012

Larry Page is awesome against
a reddish background

With the recent announcement of the upcoming gadget from Google, now being called "Project Glass" (although some speculate that this code name will be replaced by people just calling it "useless"), Google is now saying a little bit more about their vision for the upcoming product.

Google CEO Larry Page said that they are "trying to get people to network more. Productivity is all about networkitivity these days. You can't be productive without being in constant contact with other people". He goes on to say "Our goal with project glass is to get people to stay in touch no matter what they're doing. Be it eating, sleeping, walking, driving, dancing, walking, driving, walking, walking, or anything else. As we showed off in the concept video a few weeks ago, all of these things would be better if you had stuff, like, popping up into your field of view".

Masked Magician or Google "Project Glass'
Project lead in our office for interview

Project Lead (whose name has not been released) for Project Glass spoke with us while wearing one of those masks that the Masked Magician guy and some wrestlers wear sometimes. He said "the best way to network with people is really to isolate yourself. You see, imagine going to a party with a bunch people. You're sitting on a couch and there's a beautiful woman next to you. Instead of talking to her, which you'd be too scared to do, you would just talk to an inanimate object on your face and other people around the world could share in that experience via Google + if anyone ever uses it". He went on to relate that "It'll be especially cool when you're trying to get your glasses to do something but they don't understand you. Then you'll have to repeat yourself but only more loudly which will draw attention to the fact that you're talking to your glasses".

The Project Lead was wearing the glasses during our interview and would abruptly stop mid-sentence to address things apparently popping up on his glasses. He got noticeably frustrated and left the interview.

In other news, police say that a man wearing obtuse looking glasses and a "Masked Magician type mask" was killed in a high speed car accident this morning. 

Astrophysicist Admits All Theoretical Physics Claims Are Bogus

Saturday April 21st, 2012
Astrophysicist, Ringo McCartney, released a paper to the scientific community in which he proves mathematically that all other math problems used to explain things like Einstein's Theory of General Relativity are actually bogus.

Most of the paper was gibberish to normal humans, and Ringo McCartney uses this fact to validate his claims when he says "Look. Most people can't do this "math" that we do to support theories like General Relativity and Super String Theory, so who can really even argue with all this crap". He goes on to say "Two galaxies times two galaxies equals four galaxies. Therefore I have mathematically proven that there have to be at least four galaxies in the universe".

George Martin, professor of Theoretical Physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology referred to this paper when he said "the only thing Dr. McCartney proved when he wrote this paper is that he's an idiot. Every astrophysicist knows multiplication doesn't work in space. We use space multiplication which is much more complicated". Martin went on to explain that "Theoretical physics is not about taking information we already have, hypothesizing on the data, and then testing out that hypothesis for months or even years to confirm it. What real theoretical physicists do is more like shooting an arrow at an empty wall, and then drawing a bullseye around the area where it lands. We usually like to make that bullseye really small so that it looks all the more impressive to people who don't understand our methods". He then went on to refer to himself as a "Space Magician".

Stephen Hawking at age 20

We held a brief interview with Stephen Hawking (the guy with that cool robot voice thingy) who said the "world would be a better place if we used half the time we spend on making stuff up to work out real problems rather than all this hypothetical mumbo jumbo. Mumbo jumbo is a funny word when you say it thru this thing. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha". He added that "all we really do, as Theoretical Physicists, is make stuff up. Then people go on arguing about it long after we're dead".

For more information on theoretical physics visit: http://www.2-3-5-7-11-13-17-19-23.3.14159265-doesanyofthismatter.C:/user/desktop/mydocuments/theoriesandstuff.slash/hyphen-dash.dotcom.com

Oprah Devastated by Huge Oversight

Oprah Devastated about Time's oversight

By Benjamin Zipper-Sat, Apr 21,2012



Oprah Winfrey, since the very conception of the list, has been on Time's Top 100 Most Influential people in the World. This year however, “there has been a major oversight” says Oprah. Quoting the Principal from Ferris Buellers Day Off Oprah complained to herself in the mirror, “Nine Times, Nine times, NINE TIMES I have made the list! I am the same person I was nine years ago and I look the same too so what were they thinking.”

Oprah's reaction to someone
ironically giving something to her
"for a change"

Why this oversight? Time Magazine stated that “Oprah is a wonderful woman and is certainly still influential to women who are wishing to look like they are 90 trying to be 40 when they are 52. However that is not enough anymore especially with people like Tim Tebow inspiring both young and old alike to pose with knee to ground, elbow to knee and fist to head in nearly every party photo.”


When asked for a more polite reason for the removing of Oprah from the list, they shrugged and said “can't think of one.”


Oprah as of last year ended her critically acclaimed daytime show and sabotaged OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) by first giving Rosie O'Donnell a show on her station and then pulling the plug on the show as soon as she realized what she had done. This lead to Rosie O'Donnell's placing a curse on Oprah that her name would become as synonymous with vomiting as that of her own name. This seems to be working as the ratings for the OWN plummet faster than America's economy.


With Oprah out of the race for the record of "Most Times Noted by Time as Most Influential People of the Time" in Time Magazine; the runners up for this rare and commonly overlooked section in the Guinness Book of World Records is left to Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. Both have been listed seven times in Time Magazine. When asked how they feel about Oprah being removed from the list and their chance to beat her record they both looked at each other, shrugged and said, “we don't care as long as Mitt Romney doesn't win.” They then gave each other a fist bump which caused the first lady to become jealous.

New iPad Isn't So Hot (Except For It Is)

Consumers are reporting that "The New iPad" (as Apple is calling it even though everyone else calls it "iPad 3") is not really any better than their last iPad.

John and Dee "Cash-Bags" Anderson of Richtown, California said that they "can't tell the difference" between the first generation iPad and the new iPad when they were handed one of each and asked which one they liked better. John said "I have so much money that it doesn't matter if these things are different. I'll take one of each". He then offered our source "five thousand big ones" for the iPads because he reportedly "doesn't know the actual worth of anything".

When prompted to find any difference between the two products John and Dee Anderson eventually held the screens three inches away from their eyeballs and reported "Wow. Now that I hold them this close to my eyeballs, I can tell that this is a bad idea". They never reported any difference between the screen resolution on the products which is the only discernible difference.

Tim Cook enjoys long walks on the beach,
spending time with his children and swimming
in his vault of gold like Scrooge Mcduck

Apple CEO Tim "Not-a-jerk-like-Steve-Jobs-but-I'll-still-fire-you-if-you-cross-me-peon!" Cook recently was quoted as saying "People will literally buy whatever we tell them to buy. I'm not really sure why. I guess it's because of marketing or something. I don't know. I just go on stage and say what I'm told. They pay me to be smooth, not to know stuff and things". Mr. Cook then went back to playing Angry Birds Space on an iPad that he "could swear was the iPad 3", which was actually the first generation iPad.

In related news, Aliens from planet Jupiter landed on earth today and broke into an Apple Store.