New York Butts Dial 911 on Their Owners

Written by Glen Maximus- May 12th, 2012

If you are a New Yorker with a rear end, then you may need to watch your "back". According to a recent report, police stations in the "Big Apple" received close to 4 million calls from people's backsides in 2010.

Microsoft's New Xbox Deal Takes Advantage of Idiots

May 10th, 2012- Written by Tron

D.M.V's worst nightmare.

If it's been your deep-seated desire to look like an idiot in front of your TV, while simultaneously flailing your limbs around in attempt to make a virtual version of yourself kick a virtual soccer ball, than you are in luck. The new Xbox 360 Kinect Bundle will now be sold for a mere $99 along with 24 easy payments of $15.

Microsoft has decided to imitate major phone companies by selling the Xbox 360 for $99 up front, and then requiring the customer to sign up for a 2 year contract costing $15 a month. Our mathematician, Adam Mup,  busted out and dusted off his eighth grade calculator to calculate how much money Microsoft will be grabbing from people who take this deal.

Scientist Discover That Sci-Fi Movies Are Right

Biologists have confirmed finding life on Mars.

Recently, old sets of data from an earlier mission to the planet Mars were reviewed. The biologists studying the data revealed early Wednesday morning that they have indeed confirmed the existence of life on Mars as a result of the revisitation of this data. The interesting part about this, is that it confirms a theory that science fiction movies and TV shows have been trying to support for many years...

Titanic 2 to Set Sail in Both the Sea and the Theater

Friday May 4th, 2012
Written by Jack Dawson

This past April 15th marked the 100th year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. In commemoration of this historical event, Australian Billionaire (yes, Australia has billionaires) Clive Palmer has announced plans of building a modern version of the original Liner. The ship will be built with the exact same dimensions and design with updated technology on board. When asked about the number of life boats that would be on board he laughed and said " I want to keep it as faithful to the original as possible, so don't expect there to be enough life boats for everyone. But not to worry, the ship is going to be more unsinkable than the first one, I promise."...

Mythbusters Myth Busted

Friday May 4th, 2012
The somehow popular Discovery Channel , Mythbusters, may have it's own myth busted. A recent completely unnecessary poll was conducted. 20,000 people who identified themselves as "avid TV watchers" participated...

A Look Back at a Productive Presidency

Written by Jane Doeadeer- Thursday May 3rd, 2012

"I told you I could aim a gun at the president
and not get tackled!"

With election time coming up many have their minds set on who they want to choose as the next president of the United States. We here at Fayke Nooz couldn't care less, but we figure we can use this time to reflect on the president of the united states productivity this past term. Take a look at  these photos of the President's greatest moments...

Study Shows All "Morning People" Addicted to Drugs

An article was published this week in the American Journal of Medicine which studied the causes of the "unrelenting chipper attitude" that some individuals display so annoyingly. The study shows that most of these individuals are known by themselves or their peers as a "morning person".

Dr. Alia Shawkat says "We all really hate the chronic morning person that sits at the desk next to us. I mean, who in their right mind is happy in the morning. It just doesn't make sense". She adds "the morning is absolutely the worst time of the day. It's the time of the day when you look ahead and realize there's all these things that you need to accomplish, and you don't really want to. This feeling is debilitating for 99% of people"...

Rainn Wilson Discusses Office Spin-off

Written by Ybnet Tirw
Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Exclusive: A new show called The Farm, a spin-off from the hit TV show The Office, will be coming in 2013. The show will star Rainn Wilson continuing his role as Dwight Schrute. The focus of the sitcom will be on his daily life on a beet farm that he owns with his slightly retarded brother named Mose.

Colorado Bear Attempts Public Suicide

Monday April 30th, 2012
Written by Ryan Pumper Nickle

In Boulder Colorado on April 25th , a teenage brown bear attempted to take his own life by jumping from a tree near a college campus. The story is as follows.

"Ro-oh"

At approximately 12:35 pm Icesis Awsum, a student from the University of Colorado, took her lunch break off campus. She walked to her usual spot (a tree where Icesis and her boyfriend first played patty cake) to eat her bologna and cheese Lunchable. Taking a seat beneath the tree and sipping her Capri Sun pouch drink, she couldn't help but to notice an odd amount of leaves falling from the branches above her head. Out of curiosity she looked up and was shocked to see what appeared to be a brown bear high up in the tree. Icesis' first thought was to run for her life, but she says, "I just couldn't".