Frankie Muniz Carrier of Rare Disease

Frankie Muniz at age 29

Doctors have discovered the opposite of the debilitating disease "Progreria" which makes an individual start to age from infancy. Doctors are calling it "Frankie Muniz Disease" after the child star, Frankie Muniz. Doctor Symbian Belle of Cambridge said "We thought it was fitting to name the disease after Mr. Muniz since some people doubt he will ever age".

Mr.Owl Dies at Age of 72

May 4, 2012- Written By James Cluber

Mr. Owl (most commonly known for his role in Tootsie Pop commercials and..... thats about it) died today at the age of 72. 

Mr. Owl, whose real name is Shabash Owlsomus III, started his career as an entertainer at the age of 30. His first job was on the first Tootsie Pop commercial that aired back in 1970 where a naked boy walked around the forest talking to animals about a sucker. Owlsomus was orginally casted as the second animal that the boy approached in the forest. However, an incident that happened off set led to him recieving the role which he has become famous for today.

Facebook Goes Political

According to our source at the Executive Branch of the White House, the coming Presidential election will be hosted by Facebook rather than the traditional paper ballot.

The Zuck himself with the first lady

Mark Zuckerburg made the official announcement yesterday at a press conference.

Stereotypes Now "Fair Game" in Florida

50mph+No hands+Ice= This guy

Written by Roger Roger
Saturday May 5th, 2012

If you are Asian or a woman, then you have probably been told that you do not drive very well. If you are black you have probably been expected to have serious basketball skills, a fondness for fried chicken, and a love of rap music. If you are white you have probably been considered to be stuck up, a prude, or (depending on where you live) a red neck. Are you Hispanic? Then you have probably been expected to have a lot of people living under one roof or car and have heard a joke or two about green cards...

Titanic 2 to Set Sail in Both the Sea and the Theater

Friday May 4th, 2012
Written by Jack Dawson

This past April 15th marked the 100th year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. In commemoration of this historical event, Australian Billionaire (yes, Australia has billionaires) Clive Palmer has announced plans of building a modern version of the original Liner. The ship will be built with the exact same dimensions and design with updated technology on board. When asked about the number of life boats that would be on board he laughed and said " I want to keep it as faithful to the original as possible, so don't expect there to be enough life boats for everyone. But not to worry, the ship is going to be more unsinkable than the first one, I promise."...

Mythbusters Myth Busted

Friday May 4th, 2012
The somehow popular Discovery Channel , Mythbusters, may have it's own myth busted. A recent completely unnecessary poll was conducted. 20,000 people who identified themselves as "avid TV watchers" participated...

A Look Back at a Productive Presidency

Written by Jane Doeadeer- Thursday May 3rd, 2012

"I told you I could aim a gun at the president
and not get tackled!"

With election time coming up many have their minds set on who they want to choose as the next president of the United States. We here at Fayke Nooz couldn't care less, but we figure we can use this time to reflect on the president of the united states productivity this past term. Take a look at  these photos of the President's greatest moments...

Study Shows All "Morning People" Addicted to Drugs

An article was published this week in the American Journal of Medicine which studied the causes of the "unrelenting chipper attitude" that some individuals display so annoyingly. The study shows that most of these individuals are known by themselves or their peers as a "morning person".

Dr. Alia Shawkat says "We all really hate the chronic morning person that sits at the desk next to us. I mean, who in their right mind is happy in the morning. It just doesn't make sense". She adds "the morning is absolutely the worst time of the day. It's the time of the day when you look ahead and realize there's all these things that you need to accomplish, and you don't really want to. This feeling is debilitating for 99% of people"...

"K" is Officially Considered a Complete Sentence

Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Remember when you were taught as a child that Pluto was a planet? Remember when you were told it wasn't? Well, now, another blow to your elementary school education has occurred...

New Political Party On The Rise

Although the current election will most likely be between a Republican and a Democrat, a new political party is on the rise for the next election cycle. They're calling themselves "Republicats"

Jim Morrison, the leader of the movement said this "We believe that all Americans are getting really tired of the constant bickering between the two existing parties. Then there's all these sectarian factions within these parties. It's all getting too confusing. What Americans need is a simple political path. That's why we mixed the two existing parties into one called, The Republicats"

Rainn Wilson Discusses Office Spin-off

Written by Ybnet Tirw
Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Exclusive: A new show called The Farm, a spin-off from the hit TV show The Office, will be coming in 2013. The show will star Rainn Wilson continuing his role as Dwight Schrute. The focus of the sitcom will be on his daily life on a beet farm that he owns with his slightly retarded brother named Mose.

Colorado Bear Attempts Public Suicide

Monday April 30th, 2012
Written by Ryan Pumper Nickle

In Boulder Colorado on April 25th , a teenage brown bear attempted to take his own life by jumping from a tree near a college campus. The story is as follows.

"Ro-oh"

At approximately 12:35 pm Icesis Awsum, a student from the University of Colorado, took her lunch break off campus. She walked to her usual spot (a tree where Icesis and her boyfriend first played patty cake) to eat her bologna and cheese Lunchable. Taking a seat beneath the tree and sipping her Capri Sun pouch drink, she couldn't help but to notice an odd amount of leaves falling from the branches above her head. Out of curiosity she looked up and was shocked to see what appeared to be a brown bear high up in the tree. Icesis' first thought was to run for her life, but she says, "I just couldn't".

Study Reveals Women Don't Understand Either

Saturday April 28th, 2012


A recent study conducted by professor of sociology, James Hendrix, revealed a shocking truth with regards to a well accepted myth, namely, that men don't understand women. "The part of the myth that men don't understand, is so far unconfirmed, but this myth that men don't understand implies that all women do. That's the part that we want to debunk".

Hendrix goes on to explain the reasons for focusing on this part of the myth when he says "as men, we need to prove that we're right about things. That's why we did this study. We wanted to prove to women that they actually don't make sense. To anybody! We wanted to prove that they don't just confuse men because men are stupid, as they imply, but rather that they confuse men and women alike, simply because the things they say and do, don't make sense to anybody."

Circle Brushing Technique Not Most Effective Method

Jerry Seinfeld is an active
Minister in the Anti-Dentite Church

Friday April 27th, 2012

Jerry Seinfeld (anti-dentite) was taken to a dental hospital near his home in the Hamptons last month after a near fatal incident, which Seinfeld claims was caused by circular brushing techniques. Fans of Seinfeld and the public alike were enraged by the incident and many riots broke out in recent weeks.
Mr. Seinfeld expressed that "35 years ago, when I was just a boy, I just felt deep down inside of me that something was wrong with brushing. And that's why I replaced my teeth with horse teeth."

Astrophysicist Admits All Theoretical Physics Claims Are Bogus

Saturday April 21st, 2012
Astrophysicist, Ringo McCartney, released a paper to the scientific community in which he proves mathematically that all other math problems used to explain things like Einstein's Theory of General Relativity are actually bogus.

Most of the paper was gibberish to normal humans, and Ringo McCartney uses this fact to validate his claims when he says "Look. Most people can't do this "math" that we do to support theories like General Relativity and Super String Theory, so who can really even argue with all this crap". He goes on to say "Two galaxies times two galaxies equals four galaxies. Therefore I have mathematically proven that there have to be at least four galaxies in the universe".

George Martin, professor of Theoretical Physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology referred to this paper when he said "the only thing Dr. McCartney proved when he wrote this paper is that he's an idiot. Every astrophysicist knows multiplication doesn't work in space. We use space multiplication which is much more complicated". Martin went on to explain that "Theoretical physics is not about taking information we already have, hypothesizing on the data, and then testing out that hypothesis for months or even years to confirm it. What real theoretical physicists do is more like shooting an arrow at an empty wall, and then drawing a bullseye around the area where it lands. We usually like to make that bullseye really small so that it looks all the more impressive to people who don't understand our methods". He then went on to refer to himself as a "Space Magician".

Stephen Hawking at age 20

We held a brief interview with Stephen Hawking (the guy with that cool robot voice thingy) who said the "world would be a better place if we used half the time we spend on making stuff up to work out real problems rather than all this hypothetical mumbo jumbo. Mumbo jumbo is a funny word when you say it thru this thing. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha". He added that "all we really do, as Theoretical Physicists, is make stuff up. Then people go on arguing about it long after we're dead".

For more information on theoretical physics visit: http://www.2-3-5-7-11-13-17-19-23.3.14159265-doesanyofthismatter.C:/user/desktop/mydocuments/theoriesandstuff.slash/hyphen-dash.dotcom.com

Oprah Devastated by Huge Oversight

Oprah Devastated about Time's oversight

By Benjamin Zipper-Sat, Apr 21,2012



Oprah Winfrey, since the very conception of the list, has been on Time's Top 100 Most Influential people in the World. This year however, “there has been a major oversight” says Oprah. Quoting the Principal from Ferris Buellers Day Off Oprah complained to herself in the mirror, “Nine Times, Nine times, NINE TIMES I have made the list! I am the same person I was nine years ago and I look the same too so what were they thinking.”

Oprah's reaction to someone
ironically giving something to her
"for a change"

Why this oversight? Time Magazine stated that “Oprah is a wonderful woman and is certainly still influential to women who are wishing to look like they are 90 trying to be 40 when they are 52. However that is not enough anymore especially with people like Tim Tebow inspiring both young and old alike to pose with knee to ground, elbow to knee and fist to head in nearly every party photo.”


When asked for a more polite reason for the removing of Oprah from the list, they shrugged and said “can't think of one.”


Oprah as of last year ended her critically acclaimed daytime show and sabotaged OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) by first giving Rosie O'Donnell a show on her station and then pulling the plug on the show as soon as she realized what she had done. This lead to Rosie O'Donnell's placing a curse on Oprah that her name would become as synonymous with vomiting as that of her own name. This seems to be working as the ratings for the OWN plummet faster than America's economy.


With Oprah out of the race for the record of "Most Times Noted by Time as Most Influential People of the Time" in Time Magazine; the runners up for this rare and commonly overlooked section in the Guinness Book of World Records is left to Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. Both have been listed seven times in Time Magazine. When asked how they feel about Oprah being removed from the list and their chance to beat her record they both looked at each other, shrugged and said, “we don't care as long as Mitt Romney doesn't win.” They then gave each other a fist bump which caused the first lady to become jealous.

New iPad Isn't So Hot (Except For It Is)

Consumers are reporting that "The New iPad" (as Apple is calling it even though everyone else calls it "iPad 3") is not really any better than their last iPad.

John and Dee "Cash-Bags" Anderson of Richtown, California said that they "can't tell the difference" between the first generation iPad and the new iPad when they were handed one of each and asked which one they liked better. John said "I have so much money that it doesn't matter if these things are different. I'll take one of each". He then offered our source "five thousand big ones" for the iPads because he reportedly "doesn't know the actual worth of anything".

When prompted to find any difference between the two products John and Dee Anderson eventually held the screens three inches away from their eyeballs and reported "Wow. Now that I hold them this close to my eyeballs, I can tell that this is a bad idea". They never reported any difference between the screen resolution on the products which is the only discernible difference.

Tim Cook enjoys long walks on the beach,
spending time with his children and swimming
in his vault of gold like Scrooge Mcduck

Apple CEO Tim "Not-a-jerk-like-Steve-Jobs-but-I'll-still-fire-you-if-you-cross-me-peon!" Cook recently was quoted as saying "People will literally buy whatever we tell them to buy. I'm not really sure why. I guess it's because of marketing or something. I don't know. I just go on stage and say what I'm told. They pay me to be smooth, not to know stuff and things". Mr. Cook then went back to playing Angry Birds Space on an iPad that he "could swear was the iPad 3", which was actually the first generation iPad.

In related news, Aliens from planet Jupiter landed on earth today and broke into an Apple Store.