"K" is Officially Considered a Complete Sentence

Tuesday May 1st, 2012

Remember when you were taught as a child that Pluto was a planet? Remember when you were told it wasn't? Well, now, another blow to your elementary school education has occurred...

(Ironic Use of Disney's Pluto)
"Proper sentence structure?! Not you too"!

 Think back to when you were in elementary school as a kid. After learning your alphabet your teacher no doubt began teaching you the structure of a simple sentence. Remember how difficult it was to keep all that information together? No? Well, doesn't matter because you can now toss all those simple verbs, adjectives, pronouns and nouns out the window. Why? Because the E.B.C.R.S (Educational Board of Changing Random Stuff) has recently determined that the letter 'K' is now to be considered a complete sentence.

Edward Domineeto (President and founder of the E.B.C.R.S) explains the reasons for the change. "When I send an extremely long message to both my wife and son what they tend to send back in response is 'K'. This at first was appalling to me. I mean how hard is it to send back a complete sentence to acknowledge someone? I began to wonder if something was wrong with my family. 'Are they stupid or something'? I couldn't accept the thought that I married a stupid person and then followed that up by fathering a stupid child. So that's when the idea hit me. I brought the idea of making the letter 'K' a complete sentence to the board. To my surprise, after much serious deliberation, everyone on the board agreed that it should be changed. So now my family, and everyone else that is too lazy to put an 'O' in front of a 'K' with a few other discernible words thrown in for good measure, can be considered educated."

Did you hear?  We are two more K's away
from being considered a complete sentence.

Cory Sniffit, one of the board members, explains that monumental meeting in further detail. " The atmosphere was tense. Many on the board raised objections in regards to the storm that may follow the accepting of 'K' as
a legitimate sentence. Some were concerned that by allowing this change other text lingo such as 'LOL' and 'ROTFL'  would also need to be recognized as either full sentences or as real words. One member of the board even brought up the thought that everyone past the age of 25 may have to return to elementary school if this trend continues. At the thought of this George Scarpit, one of the oldest members on the board, began yelling hysterically 'FIRST PLUTO, NOW THIS?! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO FIRST GRADE! I WON'T LET YOU!'. He then grabbed a nearby vase and bashed it over his head rendering himself unconscious. This lightened the mood as we all laughed at his expense. After his melt down we decided in favor of the letter 'K' becoming a complete sentence. We did this because once you see a grown man smash a vase over his own skull you realize that we take this stuff way to seriously."

Artist rendition of George Scarpit
 during the board meeting.

We sent a text to George Scarpit in the hospital to set up an interview and get his thoughts on the E.B.C.R.S's decision. He agreed to our visiting him, to which we responded by sending, "K". Once we arrived we found him, again, unconscious with a broken vase next to his body. Which caused us to wonder, "whats with this guy and vases"?