New York Butts Dial 911 on Their Owners

Written by Glen Maximus- May 12th, 2012

If you are a New Yorker with a rear end, then you may need to watch your "back". According to a recent report, police stations in the "Big Apple" received close to 4 million calls from people's backsides in 2010.

Some of these calls are minor complaints such as "I've just been scratched  in public" and "My owner hasn't washed me in days." However, some calls have been more serious. For example, one butt dialed 911 and told the dispatcher, "This guy has been sitting on me for weeks watching Law and Order episodes back to back and I don't think he has any plans on getting up." Police eventually responded to this call to find both the butt and its owner dead. 

One officer, Donald Funneman, explains why he thinks there are so many butts dialing 911 on their owners."The reason for this increase in... booty calls, hahaha! Oh wow, I didn't plan that I swear, but man that's some funny stuff." Over amused by his own comment he was unable to finish his thought.

So we asked another officer, Matt Mccoy, for his thoughts on the matter. "I think the reason for the increase in these calls is because of the number of cell phones that are being jammed into the back pockets of tight fitting jeans. Also many people tend to sit on their butt when they sit down somewhere. So with the butts having such easy access to their owner's cell phone its really no wonder why the calls have risen so dramatically."

"The city of New York has yet to address this problem", the report stated. "The best way to reduce the number of butts calling 911 is by treating our butts better. Also by refraining to put our cell phones where are butts can easily access them we can also lower the amount of butt dials. But basically our butts are bending over backwards to send us a message that we need to get up and do stuff instead of sitting around all day. Sadly calling the police on us is their way of saying 'STOP SITTING ON US!'"

See original story here: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/accidental-911-calls-38-emergency-calls-nyc-butt-160639687.html