Microsoft's New Xbox Deal Takes Advantage of Idiots

May 10th, 2012- Written by Tron

D.M.V's worst nightmare.

If it's been your deep-seated desire to look like an idiot in front of your TV, while simultaneously flailing your limbs around in attempt to make a virtual version of yourself kick a virtual soccer ball, than you are in luck. The new Xbox 360 Kinect Bundle will now be sold for a mere $99 along with 24 easy payments of $15.

Microsoft has decided to imitate major phone companies by selling the Xbox 360 for $99 up front, and then requiring the customer to sign up for a 2 year contract costing $15 a month. Our mathematician, Adam Mup,  busted out and dusted off his eighth grade calculator to calculate how much money Microsoft will be grabbing from people who take this deal.


"If you decide to get the Xbox 360 for $99.95 with the 2 year $14.95 a month subscription, you will most certainty be getting ripped off. $14.95 x 24 = $359.76, add the $99.95 to that amount and you're paying $459.71 for a game console you can get for $200 at any store. Xbox Live gold cost $60 for a full year. So if you do the math this is an amazing deal...if you are Microsoft."

Sony's version of a Nintendo 3DS and Wii U controller

President of Sony Kazuo Hirai, mocked Microsoft's promotion. "Essentially what Microsoft is doing here is saying, 'hey we would like to sell you our old crap with the godawful Kinect for the same price it cost 7 years ago.' When our vice president here at Sony came to me and said maybe we should try to do the same, I smacked him in the mouth with a Playstation Move controller. I'm not an idiot, I only copy Nintendo's bad ideas!"

Miyamoto excited

Nintendo's own Miyamoto (the creator of Mario and the Legend of Zelda games) sticks up for Microsoft's new sales tactic." I am excited to see Microsoft finally ripping people off. People want to be ripped off ; 3D movies, Six Flags, gas prices, all of these are examples of this. I am a firm believer in selling stuff for more than its worth. Way to go Microsoft you're in the big leagues now."  

Microsoft's own Bill Gates explained the reason for this "deal". "A lot of people want our gaming console. Its freakin' great! We are giving people the chance to show us how much they love the Xbox by making a commitment to us and giving us more money for it then is actually necessary. The people arguing that this is a bad idea obviously are not married because its really the same concept. You spend more money on something than its worth and you make a 2 year commitment after which you can pull out if you want with no hard feelings. See it all makes sense now right?"

Bill Gates during his marriage counseling session

We started to ask Gates one more question, but he bust into tears and told us, "My marriage sucks and I want everyone to feel my pain!" Microsoft also stated that anyone who makes the commitment and refuses to pay or tries to get out of the contract will have to pay another $99. Also customers will have to sign another contract that requires them to pay $20 a month for 4 years calling it a "bad wife contract".

This new "deal" will begin as soon as people stop doing the math and posting it on the internet for potential uneducated buyers to see.