Study Finds Clues To Mysterious Microwave Events

Thursday April 24th, 2012

The Professor carrying out his
microwave study

Today, an article published in the Sorta Scientifical American was published. It discusses some theories to strange events that everyone has undoubtedly noticed.
Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth (most famous for his appearance on Matt Groening's Futurama) notes "Every single person in the universe has used a microwave. Why doesn't anyone talk about the strange events that occur inside them".
He explains the events he's referring to when he says "Why on God's good Earth does my Tupperware reach 100,000 degrees fahrenheit before the contents get above freezing?" An even more puzzling mystery he mentions "Although many have noticed this strange occurrence, I've never heard anyone say anything about the fact that the plate thingy that the container spins around on never gets a single degree warmer. Even though there's a window, we have no clue what's really happening in there."

Professor Farnsworth conducted a six week long experiment to unwind the twisted ball of yarn that is the inside of a microwave. He explains the experiment when he says "I took all of the stray cats that I could find, and, one by one, detonated er-microwaved them. I put some of them inside the very same offending Tupperware that somehow seemed to shield my food from the warming effects of the microwave. I then had a control where I left a cat in a microwave that was not even plugged in, and I had a second cat which I left in a microwave that had no protective Tupperware."

He continues after many long hours "What I found was that I hate cats. The inside of those God-foresaken creatures is disgusting. Every last one of them exploded. Even the control."

He then explains his findings "I hypothesize that the reason that the Tupperware, or whatever other container you use, get's hot while our food, the spinning plate, and even the sides of the microwave do not get hot, is that microwaves were not made to heat our food. They were made to solve the overpopulation problem we have with stray cats."

Professor Farnsworth at
 his first court appearance

Dr. Farnsworth has since been indicted for cruel and unusual treatment of animals. He argues that the claims are "completely unfounded in the physical universe".