Gas Prices Drop Enough to Make Americans "Shut Up"

Friday April 20th, 2012

Gas prices have reportedly dropped an insignificant amount as reported by numerous sources.

After crisis in the Middle East, especially Syria (from which America imports 0.00062% of it's oil) gas prices skyrocketed in the first quarter of the 2012 fiscal year. Americans made a "big fuss" about the increase in price. Miguel Hernandez of Phoenix, Arizona said "I don't want to pay this much, man. It's too much. I have to drive this big truck around because it looks cool, man".

John Boehner's first attempt at smiling

After numerous complaints about unnecessarily high gas prices, the Obama administration released a statement earlier in the year saying that they would investigate the high gas prices. In the last three weeks gas prices have fallen an average of .7 cents per gallon. House Speaker, John Boehner, stated in a recent interview with the AP (Associated Press) that the Administration "decided it would be in the best interest of the President since he wants to be re-elected, to get these stupid gas prices down enough for the average American to shut up".

Gas prices rose by roughly 21% over the last 4 months and have since dropped less than 1%. People all over the nation have reportedly "shut up". Jose Cuervo of Anytown, USA said "Oh, I'm glad that gas prices have come back down to a reasonable level. I was paying over $3.90 a gallon, dude! Now I'm paying
$3.88. Since my tank is over 80 gallons in this brand new 2013 Hummer H5 which hasn't even been announced yet, and which I use to commute 52 miles to work each day, those two cents make a huge difference". Jose later told us that his insurance premium is $2,500.00 a day and that he wastes hundred of dollars a day "buying burgers and stuff".

In other news, the word "gullible" does not appear in any dictionary.
Seriously, look it up.