Zuckerberg's Home of the Future

Written by Steve Careers
Saturday April 28th, 2012

Photograph here pictured

Last year work began on a home of the future funded by none other than Mark Zuckerberg. Aside from architects and those constructing the project, very few have actually seen the house. It's whereabouts have been kept a secret and little to no information had been released about the building up until now.

The project was apparently completed last month. Mark Zuckerberg was so pleased with the results that he opened it up for a select few to witness this modern marvel. We here at Fayke Nooz were granted inside access and I tell you what, this place is outstanding! Here are some of the amazing things that this "Home of the future" has to offer. 

Now we can't reveal where the home is located, but we can explain details about the house itself. When my partner and I first arrived at the house we were warmly welcomed inside by a voice that sounds awfully similar to that of Morgan Freeman. As I attempted to take the first step inside, however, I was surprised when I could not pick my feet up off from the welcome mat. When I asked our guide what was  happening, and why my partner was able to enter with no issue where as I was not, I was quite surprised by his a reply. He told me it was because each entrance to the home is custom fit with welcome mats that prevent the race of your choice from entering. Apparently Mark in a racist, but comical decision, thought it would be funny to demonstrate this feature using myself and my black heritage. Too impressed to be offended I was finally allowed access into the home where we continued the tour. 

Here is a rundown  of some of the cutting edge technologies found in Mark's "Home of the Future." 

Each room comes fitted with a sensor that determines your mood and finds music to match your entrance. For example, if you're in your bed and your wife enters the room, romantic music will play if she is happy. On the other hand, the Law and Order theme song will play if she is upset. Thousands of songs come programmed into the system even Justin Bieber's  new song "Boyfriend" which sadly played out loud as I entered the living room.

Another cool feature is when you place a photo on the wall in your house the wall can be programmed to explain where and when the photo was taken when people approach it. This can be narrated in four different voice selections; Oprah, Morgan Freeman, Steven Hawking, and the British guy who narrates basically every animal documentary ever made.

Also interesting is that each wall can instantly become a television on demand. What was interesting about this feature is that if you were to fall asleep the TV turns off. But as soon as you wake up it will come back on right where the show left off. The best feature however, was the hologram. This is the same technology that allowed Jay-Z to perform with Tupac. There are over 1000 different celebrities thus far programmed into the system including: Will Smith, Tom Cruise, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Katie Perry, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Mel Gibson and it even has the last five generations of the Pope.  These holograms come fully equipped with their most popular sayings such as "I did not have relations with that woman" "Welcome... to Jurassic Park." "Welcome to earth!" and my personal favorite from former president George Bush, "I will find the W.M.Ds" 

One last noteworthy feature I would like to mention in this article is that of the Oder fighter 3000 that comes installed in each bathroom. The OF3000 is capable of recognizing the intensity of any oder and finding the perfect scent to annihilate it completely. My partner tested this one out privately. I don't know what he did in there, but when he came out it smelled like homemade cookies which was both pleasant and disturbing.

There are many more features that I will reveal in a future article that goes into more detail about the kitchen and lawn features. Be on the look out for that article soon.