The Cure for Brain Freeze is Close at Hand!

Wednesday April 25th, 2012

Researchers have finally discovered what causes brain freeze, after thousands of years of research dating back to the first time someone put frozen water in their mouth. “The process of coming up with the answer was cool,” claims researcher Walter Icedrop in a terrible attempt to be funny.

He continues,
“What we did is take 13 healthy people who like the feeling of terrible, debilitating pain and asked them to sip ice water through a straw making sure it hit against the roof of their mouth. Then we asked the volunteers to raise their hands when the brain freeze started.”

“This part of the trial proved challenging because when the brain freeze would begin the test subjects would hold their hands against their heads in anguish instead of raising their hand. This made it hard for us as the researchers to gauge when the brain freeze actually began, because we were only trained to identify pain by the raise of a hand. So after a few hand raising lessons, they were finally able to indicate to us when the brain freeze both started and ended.”

Icedrop continues by saying that “During this process most of the researches pointed and laughed at the volunteers while one of us, which was really all that was needed, monitored blood flow through their brains. What was revealed was basic to us, but is too complicated to explain. So I’ll just say it hurts because the cold juice makes the flow of blood in a big vein in your head speed up which causes the brain freeze.”

What this research indicates is that the brain is very sensitive to extreme temperatures. With this information they can finally cure brain freeze by creating drugs that change the speed in which temperature changes in the brain. Or they can just provide a hat and a warm cup of coffee. When asked how he felt about this triumphant discovery, Icedrop stated, “I am proud that I was a part of the process to identify and develop a cure for one of the more serious, if not the most serious problem that has plagued mankind for centuries! We would like to do more research into other serious issues plaguing mankind such as paper cuts and getting eye lashes out of our eyes more effectively.”